Baby Loss: You are not alone

 Why Are We Still Sweeping Baby Loss Under the Rug?

According to NHS statistics, one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage every year. That number is staggering and yet, baby loss is still spoken about in hushed tones, if it's spoken about at all. For something that happens so often, it amazes me how hidden and isolated the experience remains.

I want to be clear: I deeply appreciate the NHS But I also believe we need to talk about the gaps in care, the emotional black holes and the suffering that happens when miscarriage is handled poorly. I know this from personal experience and I would assume I’m not alone.

When I fell pregnant with my second child, I was over the moon. I already had a beautiful daughter who was three and this new life felt just as loved and anticipated. I had no reason to think anything would go wrong, my first pregnancy had been a breeze, so I went into my 12-week scan with excitement and optimism.

But that moment changed everything.

I’ll never forget the look in the sonographer’s eyes,  I don't know why but when I think back to that moment I remember the ladies eyes reminding me of Bambi, soft, sad, frozen in compassion. I was devastated. The baby had no heartbeat.

What followed felt clinical and cold. I was taken to a waiting room filled with pregnant women, an experience that felt deeply jarring and I then spoke to a midwife who gently told me the baby would "likely bleed out in a few days." That didn’t happen. Instead, I hemorrhaged for two weeks. I kept going to work, trying to pretend everything was okay, because I was made to feel like this wasn’t a big deal.

Eventually, after a few phone calls, I was advised to go to hospital for a D&C (It involves using a suction catheter or a sharp metal curette to remove the remaining tissue from the uterus)

Every interaction left me feeling small and silly for grieving. I heard things like:“It was just cells.”“Nature takes care of the weak.”

But I wasn’t grieving cells, I was grieving my baby. A baby I loved and had dreams for. The emotional attachment was real, immediate, and deep.

After the operation, I was placed in a maternity ward surrounded by newborns. It felt cruel. The confusing thing also was that I couldn’t cry even though I was breaking inside. I felt emotionally frozen.

Physically, I felt awful. My hair, once healthy and shiny, became dull and brittle. My skin turned dry and rough, breaking out in spots. It was as if my body was displaying what I felt inside. Because miscarriage is treated so medically, so practically, I didn’t know where to turn. There was no follow-up. No mental health check. No compassionate call. Just silence, except from my boss, eager for my return.

What would have made a difference?

Just one person. One trained, compassionate person who could check in and say the right things. Someone with access to contacts and resources. Someone who could help bridge that emotional and logistical gap.

One amazing organization I want to shout about is Making Miracles A Kent-based charity that offers real, heartfelt support to families going through baby loss and trauma. They offer counselling, memory-making services, and a community of understanding. If you’re reading this and need support, please know this: you are not alone, and there is help.

We can and must do better, for mothers, fathers, siblings, and grandparents who all feel the ripples of this loss. We need to stop sweeping baby loss under the rug and start opening up the conversation.

Because love doesn’t wait until birth to begin and neither should our compassion.

I was fortunate to receive some additional training recently with Kelly Wells, CEO of Making Miracles. That experience inspired me to write this blog and open up a conversation that I know many people need to hear.

If you're going through a difficult time, please know that support is available and you're not alone. Hypnotherapy can be an incredibly helpful tool, offering gentle, reassuring guidance to help you navigate emotional challenges and find your way forward. If this is something you feel would be beneficial to you please do get in touch with me.

Having been through this journey myself, I feel deeply passionate about the power of hypnotherapy and after many meaningful conversations with Kelly, I know she and her team at Making Miracles share this same commitment to supporting others through compassionate care. So if you need to reach out to someone please know there are people who care.

https://makingmiracles.org.uk/